“HADES—With no boatmen to take them across the dark stygian waters to the dry, sunless lands of the dead, millions of newly deceased souls were reportedly backed up on the banks of the River Styx during a transit strike by the Underworld Ferry Workers Union, sources confirmed Friday. ‘Yeah, I get it—Charon, Phlegyas, and the rest are expected to work 24 hours a day, seven days a week for all of eternity and have never seen their wages raise beyond one golden obol per passenger, but souls still need to journey into the afterlife, you know,’ said former St. Paul, MN resident Rick Hoffman, who has not advanced in line since succumbing to congenital heart failure five weeks ago. 
‘It’s like, I can physically see Cerberus standing on the other side. Someone needs to paddle us over there, and I don’t care if he’s organized labor or not.’ Hoffman added that he hoped the strike would end soon, as he was ‘getting pretty creeped out’ by the keening souls who, unable to pay the fare, are forced to wander the shores weeping and crying out for a hundred years.” –“Deceased Souls Backed Up At River Styx Ferry Crossing During Underworld Transit Strike,” The Onion, April 27, 2018
“My Exercise Ball Experience as Dante’s Inferno“
“Circle/Hour Five: Wrath
“I cross the river Styx with weakening legs, fusing vertebrae and congealing spinal fluid from this damn ball. I don’t know why I thought it would be easy. If I were really sullen about my experience, perhaps I would find myself horribly immersed under the black water of the Styx for all eternity. I guess I am not all that sullen. Instead, my wrathful side takes out my anger on my rundown. I’ll teach you to mess with me, Soundbite On A Boring Topic. You’ll pay for my pain.
“A total of ten people have now kicked the ball.” — Jeremy Markovich, “My Exercise Ball Experience as Dante’s Inferno: A Biblical Parable About a Non-Standard Option for Office Seating,” Comedy Corner on Medium.com (September 9, 2014)
Linda Pastan, “Summer Triptych” (2015)
Selection from “Summer Triptych” by Linda Pastan:
“Swathed from head to toe
in seeming veils of muslin,
the figure in the Nantucket fog
poles along the shoreline on a flat barge.
It could be Charon transporting souls
across the River Styx, or just
another fisherman in a hoodie,
trolling for bluefish
on the outgoing tide.”
Published on Poem-a-Day (June 12, 2015)
Uber Reviews for Charon, Boatman of Hades
“SERVING HADES AND THE SURROUNDING AREA
127 Fields of Punishment Ave.
[…]
“✩ ✩ ✩
KAREN T.
He arrived on time, so three stars for that. But he was not very fun. I said, ‘Hey, Charon,’ and he got offended, saying, ‘It’s pronounced “Karen.” ‘ So I was, like, ‘Oh, my God! Shut up! My name is Karen!,’ and then he rolled his burning fire-eyes and melted into the ether and left me there in the middle of the River Styx. Rude.
“✩
LISA M.
Big surprise. Yet another service that won’t take me to Brooklyn.” –Cirocco Dunlap, The New Yorker
South Park
In “South Park” (episode 410), there is a reference to the River Styx condominiums in hell.
Contributed by Tyler Doherty (EHS student)
