“HELL. A report released Monday by the Afterlife Civil Liberties Union indicates that nine out of 10 souls currently serving in Hell were condemned on drug-related sins. ‘Hell was created to keep dangerous sinners off the gold-paved streets of Heaven,’ ACLU spokesman Barry Horowitz said. ‘But lately, it’s become a clearing-house for the non-evil souls that Heaven doesn’t know how to deal with.'”    —The Onion, October 12, 2005